I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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