This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
