margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize