I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
