i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
