Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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