She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
