benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
