so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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