Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
