someone threw a dead crab at me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize