I cannot find my penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
