so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
