your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
