I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you inspire me to be a worse person
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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