I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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