The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
