my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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