All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
