My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize