YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
