i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
