Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is the high leading the old right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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