You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
