It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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