whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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