9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
