Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
