the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
