So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
