Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
