I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
