I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
