If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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