Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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