the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
