I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
