dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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