and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
