the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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