Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
