I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
