Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
