We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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