Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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