Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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