Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
