y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
