Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
