He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize