my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
