Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
