THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
