i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
