I heard we made out
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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