dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
