Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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