dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
