my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
