all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
