So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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