I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
