My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I enjoy the company of your penis
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
dude. I can hear the air.
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