would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
