Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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