Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
